Because I said so! Part 2

I have had a lot of good feedback from part one, so I will continue.  I had someone ask me to talk about tantrums but I had to tell this person that, fortunately, I never had to deal with any of my kids throwing a tantrum.  However, one of my grandchildren went through a faze of doing this.  My advice to my daughter was to ignore it.  Let her scream and yell until she tires out, but don't give in to her demands.  Eventually they give up the fight.  It's a battle for power.  When you try to appease them, you are playing into their hands.  I know it's hard and embarrassing when you are in public.  I can't really comment any further because I don't have the experience.  Feel free to comment on this blog what has worked for you.  It may help someone else.

Okay, back to my list what to do and what not to do:

6.  Give them everything they need, not everything they want -   Even if you have money to spare, don't buy all the lastest gadgets and toys for your child.  I have learned from experience that the more you splurge on them, the less they appreciate the next thing you buy and they expect you to give them everything.  They grow up with a "gimme" attitude and an entitlement mentality.  I am not saying never to buy them anything, but make it a special occasion. When my girls were young, we had little money.  We couldn't afford to buy them a lot of things.  Many of their friends had a lot more than them.  I can honestly say, they were the most unselfish children you have ever seen.  They never begged for things and when it came time for asking for something for Christmas, they sure didn't ask for much. They were grateful for everything they received and never complained that they didn't have everything their friends had.  They grew up to be very appreciate young women.  They don't look for gifts or big things for birthdays and Christmas.  They are still content with modest gifts.  Of course, as they grew older and our finances were better, we were able to spend more on them, and we wanted to give them more, because they never expected it.  

My grandchildren have been given so much and their mother realized this and started to limit their gifts.  One Easter they received easter baskets from their parents, and from both sets of grandparents.  They were so unappreciative.  My daughter saw this and instructed us to stop buying them separate easter baskets.  I am glad she recognized the need for limits.  

7.  Choose your battles - When you get into a stalemate with your child, ask yourself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?".  Sometimes we insist on our way, just because we can.  Sometimes it is okay to give in, if it is something that won't hurt them, or make them stray from God. For example:  One of my daughters wanted to get her belly button pierced when she was a senior in highschool.  She was under age so she needed my permission and I had to go with her and sign a waiver.  At  first I thought, no way!!  What kind of mother would I be to take my child to a place that does body piercing?  But, I knew that she had recently lost a lot of weight and felt good about herself for the first time in a long time.  I decided that I would give in on this one.  So, we went to a tattoo place and got her piercing.  It was pretty funny. While I was waiting, I was reading all these vulgar signs on the walls.  My daughter told me to stop looking at them, so I turned my attention to the jewelry counter where they had gadgets to pierce ALL body parts.  She got it done and we walked out to the car where I proceeded to pray the demons off of us.  I literally did this!  We had a good time and I won major, cool Mom points!  The point is, I didn't do something that I felt was against God's will. I am sure many religious people would disapprove, but it was something that was not that big of a deal.  So, don't automatically say no, just because you always do.  Give it some thought and decided if it's really worth going to battle over.  Of course, some things are worth it and you have to stand your ground.

8.  Be careful what you let your children watch.  When my girls were young, I was shocked at what they would tell me their friends were allowed to watch on TV or at the movies.  I am talking about elementary age kids.  And I am talking about their church friends.  We were always very strict as to what we allowed them to watch.  Do you know I didn't allow them to watch "The Simpsons"?  They were never allowed to watch it because I had seen enough of it to see that the kids were disrespectful to their parents on this cartoon, so I didn't want them to pick up on that.  They were certainly not allowed to see R rated movies at that age, although many of their friends were.  PG 13 was not allowed most of the time until they really were over 13.  
I remember one of my kids calling me and asking me if she was allowed to watch a certain movie at a friends house.  I knew she was calling me to give her an "out" because she didn't want to watch it.  So, I told her she could not watch it and she was relieved.  Don't let young kids watch things that are meant for adults.  They grow up fast enough.  Let them be kids!  Even if their friends are allowed to do it, stick to your rules.  My kids laugh at me because I wouldn't let them watch, "Rugrats" because I thought it was about bad little kids. I finally watched it and saw that it was harmless and really enjoyed it myself.  

9.  Get them out of the house! When I grew up, we never stayed inside during the day.  We went out in the morning, came home to eat and were out the door again until dark.  I know times have changed and you can't just let your kids go out without keeping tabs on them, but make sure they spend time outside playing.
With all of the technology today, it's too easy to let them sit with their face in a game all day, because they are quiet.  It's easy to sit them in front of the TV and forget them.  But, make sure you have "play time" for them to get outside and get dirty and use their imaginations.  I hate that we have become so computer dependent that we don't even have to think anymore.  

10.  Read to your kids - Some of my favorite times spent with my kids and grandkids were with them sitting on my lap, reading a book to them.  We had bedtime stories when the girls were little.  Give your kids a love for reading.  Reading makes you smart!  Get books that will force them to use their imaginations.  Use reading time to teach a lesson.  Sitting on a bed, reading to a sleepy child is something that you will treasure forever.  

More to come.........