My husband and I have often been told that we have the best kids. We have heard this from the time our girls were young until the present. We have been asked how we did it. My reply is usually, "I don't know, they are just good kids". And honestly, they are and always have been. But, God showed me that there were things that we did that contributed to having 4 grown daughters who are all saved, serving the Lord and who love each other very much. I want to share some parenting tips for those who are new parents or even in the middle of the process and at their wits end.
Before I start, I need to make a disclaimer. My oldest daughter, Hollie, was born when I was barely 17 years old. I had no idea what I was doing as a parent and, I am sure, made many mistakes. Thankfully she turned out to be a wonderful daughter, in spite of my ignorance. So, she may not agree that I was the same parent to her as I was to her sisters who came along when she was 8 years old.
Disclaimer #2 is that we are not perfect parents. We have made mistakes and blown it occasionally. I don't claim to be an authority in all areas of parenting. I realize there are children who may not respond the way other children do and some rules may not work with them.
Okay, here we go.......
1. R E S P E C T - It may sound crazy, but respect needs to start from day one. I hate seeing a young child speaking to their parent with disrespect. There is a cute video that has gone viral with a boy about 4 years old calling his mother by her first name, arguing with her over a matter. Yes, the video is hilarious, but clearly, this boy is disrespecting his mother. He should not allowed to call her by her first name, and she should not be debating with him about something that he did that was against her rules. Respect is earned and learned. If Moms and Dads don't respect each other, their child will learn the same behavior. Respect is instilled at a young age. Your child needs to know that they are the child and you are the parent. They need to know that they are not on the same level. They need to be taught to speak to their elders differently than their friends. They should be taught to say Ma'am and Sir when speaking to their elders. They need to see you showing that same respect to your parents. It should be modeled and expected.
2. Follow Through - I am not going to go into types of discipline because we don't all discipline our children the same way. Whatever way you choose, whether, time out, taking something away, spanking, you need to follow through. Don't say, "If you do that one my time I am going to_______", unless you intend to really do it. Lazy parents make threats all day long and never go through with them. Your child is not dumb. If you do this over and over, he or she will know that they can do whatever they want because there are no real consequences. I hate to see parents out in public begging their children to stop doing something. Come on!! Who is the parent? Beg my child? I don't think so. If you tell your child that they will be grounded if they do something, you better be prepared to have them at home with you. Lazy parents won't follow through because they don't want to be bothered with a pouty child stuck in the house all day. My kids knew, if I gave the warning about something and they continued to do it, they better be prepared to suffer the consequence. Therefore, they didn't bother to try to get away with something very often.
3. Don't yell at your kids!!! I'm not talking about raising your voice, I'm taking about all out yelling. All this does is put you right on their level and lower their respect and frustrate your children. I remember just raising my voice to my daughter and she said, "Why are you yelling at me?" Really? I was not yelling!! Not even close. But, they were so accustomed to me just talking to me that when I raised my voice they were in shock. When you yell at your kids, it makes you look bad as a parent. Sometimes stopping and taking them by the hand and pulling them aside and talking in a calm matter will get their attention much more than yelling at them.
4. Don't argue with your kids. They are kids. You are the parent. Some things are not up for debate. Yes, you can explain why you are not allowing them to do something. You can listen to their arguments, but ultimately, you make the decision and stick to it. There are some things a younger child just can't grasp and you may have to use the dreaded expression, "because I said so". This is not a cop out. This is saying, the answer is final. I am not going to argue with you. I am the parent and you are the child. I know what is best for you and the decision is mine. Case closed. Then close it! If they continue to argue and whine, then it's time to decide a consequence for their disrespect.
5. Be willing to bend, especially with older children. Sometimes your child may have a good argument that you haven't really considered. It doesn't make them disrespect you if you are willing to change your mind. It will show them that you care for them and listen to them. Don't be so stuck on being right that you can't change your mind and give in to something that won't hurt them and is not a bad thing. On the other hand, don't be a wishy washy parent, never sticking to your guns. Your kids will learn at an early age that they can play you. This Mom doesn't play!
That is all for part one.
To be continued.........
Amen!!!
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