Because I said so! (Part one)

My husband and I have often been told that we have the best kids.  We have heard this from the time our girls were young until the present.  We have been asked how we did it.  My reply is usually, "I don't know, they are just good kids". And honestly, they are and always have been.  But, God showed me that there were things that we did that contributed to having 4 grown daughters who are all saved, serving the Lord and who love each other very much.  I want to share some parenting tips for those who are new parents or even in the middle of the process and at their wits end.

Before I start, I need to make a disclaimer.  My oldest daughter, Hollie, was born when I was barely 17 years old.  I had no idea what I was doing as a parent and, I am sure, made many mistakes.  Thankfully she turned out to be a wonderful daughter, in spite of my ignorance.  So, she may not agree that I was the same parent to her as I was to her sisters who came along when she was 8 years old. 

Disclaimer #2 is that we are not perfect parents.  We have made mistakes and blown it occasionally.  I don't claim to be an authority in all areas of parenting.  I realize there are children who may not respond the way other children do and some rules may not work with them. 


Okay, here we go.......

1.  R E S P E C T  - It may sound crazy, but respect needs to start from day one.  I hate seeing a young child speaking to their parent with disrespect.  There is a cute video that has gone viral with a boy about 4 years old calling his mother by her first name, arguing with her over a matter.  Yes, the video is hilarious, but clearly, this boy is disrespecting his mother.  He should not allowed to call her by her first name, and she should not be debating with him about something that he did that was against her rules.  Respect is earned and learned.  If Moms and Dads don't respect each other, their child will learn the same behavior.  Respect is instilled at a young age.  Your child needs to know that they are the child and you are the parent.  They need to know that they are not on the same level.  They need to be taught to speak to their elders differently than their friends.  They should be taught to say Ma'am and Sir when speaking to their elders.  They need to see you showing that same respect to your parents.  It should be modeled and expected. 

2.  Follow Through - I am not going to go into types of discipline because we don't all discipline our children the same way.  Whatever way you choose, whether, time out, taking something away, spanking, you need to follow through.  Don't say, "If you do that one my time I am going to_______", unless you intend to really do it.  Lazy parents make threats all day long and never go through with them.  Your child is not dumb.  If you do this over and over, he or she will know that they can do whatever they want because there are no real consequences.  I hate to see parents out in public begging their children to stop doing something.  Come on!!  Who is the parent?  Beg my child?  I don't think so.  If you tell your child that they will be grounded if they do something, you better be prepared to have them at home with you.  Lazy parents won't follow through because they don't want to be bothered with a pouty child stuck in the house all day.  My kids knew, if I gave the warning about something and they continued to do it, they better be prepared to suffer the consequence.  Therefore, they didn't bother to try to get away with something very often. 

3.  Don't yell at your kids!!!  I'm not talking about raising your voice, I'm taking about all out yelling.  All this does is put you right on their level and lower their respect and frustrate your children.  I remember just raising my voice to my daughter and she said, "Why are you yelling at me?"  Really?  I was not yelling!!  Not even close.  But, they were so accustomed to me just talking to me that when I raised my voice they were in shock.  When you yell at your kids, it makes you look bad as a parent.  Sometimes stopping and taking them by the hand and pulling them aside and talking in a calm matter will get their attention much more than yelling at them. 

4.  Don't argue with your kids.  They are kids.  You are the parent.  Some things are not up for debate.  Yes, you can explain why you are not allowing them to do something.  You can listen to their arguments, but ultimately, you make the decision and stick to it.  There are some things a younger child just can't grasp and you may have to use the dreaded expression, "because I said so".  This is not a cop out.  This is saying, the answer is final.  I am not going to argue with you.  I am the parent and you are the child.  I know what is best for you and the decision is mine.  Case closed.  Then close it!  If they continue to argue and whine, then it's time to decide a consequence for their disrespect. 

5.  Be willing to bend, especially with older children. Sometimes your child may have a good argument  that you haven't really considered.  It doesn't make them disrespect you if you are willing to change your mind.  It will show them that you care for them and listen to them.  Don't be so stuck on being right that you can't change your mind and give in to something that won't hurt them and is not a bad thing.  On the other hand, don't be a wishy washy parent, never sticking to your guns.  Your kids will learn at an early age that they can play you.  This Mom doesn't play!

That is all for part one. 

To be continued.........

Eye Guidance

 

 

Ps. 32:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.

 I have this scripture on my desktop at work.  I love this Psalm.  It is so simple, yet so profound.  Can you imagine the intimacy you must have with the Father to be guided by His eye? 

I was thinking about what this scripture means to me.  I can relate this to my own parenting.  My husband and I have been told time after time, “You have the best kids!”.  We always agree and make sure that we say that we are blessed.  I never felt like I did anything special as a parent for my 4 daughters to be so well behaved growing up.  And they have all turned in to fabulous, women of God!

One thing we always did was make sure our daughters respected us.  We expected them to say ma’am and sir when responding to us.  We were not extra stern with them, we just commanded respect.  We instructed them in the way they should go, made sure they were involved in church and modeled good behavior in front of them.  (most of the time)  We enjoyed our girls.  I never felt like I was burdened with them.  We had fun together, but they knew, if we said they should do something or stop doing something, they better do it.  We very rarely had to spank them.  We didn’t need to. 

When I thought about this scripture in light of a parent/child relationship, I could understand it better. I have a smile on my face when I read, “I will guide you with My eye”.  My girls and I laugh about my “eye guidance”.  There were many times at church that I sat in the choir while the girls sat in the church without an adult.  I would watch them, and see them talking to each other, or cutting up.  It was then that they would get my “eye guidance”.  All I had to do was give them “the look” and they would straighten up and stop whatever they were doing. 

How many times do we miss God’s eye guidance? How many time is he looking at us, letting us know we are heading down the wrong path, giving us “the look”?  And how many times do we ignore the look and keep going? 

My own father had very expressive eyes.  He could look stern but he also had a twinkle in his eye when he was telling a joke or trying to play a trick on us.  His eyes told the story! 

Oh, to have that intimacy, as a Father to a child, with God.  To see His looks of approval, or a gleam in His eye as He puts a plan in motion for my life, or a twinkle as if He knows something but is not telling, or even that stern, “You better straighten up” look. 

Let’s press in to our Father, who, through His word, instructs us in the way we should go.  Let’s not miss searching His eyes to see where He is guiding us.  Maybe he will hear someone say, "You have the best kids!". 

 

 

Hide and Seek

As I was walking this morning, I felt the Lord talking to me.  The verse came to me, "Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you" in the book of James.  What He showed me was that there are people who feel that God is far off, distant and unapproachable.  They are trying to connect but unable to.  

This is what the Lord showed me.  When we were very small, our parents would play hide and seek with us.  The younger we were, the easier they made it for us.  I would call it, "hiding in plain sight".  How cruel would it be if our parents hid from us and never revealed where they were?  This is the same way with our God.  He says, "if you seek me, you will find me".  In other words, "I am just waiting for you to begin the seeking".  

I can hear you say, "But, I can't find Him!".  Let me tell you, that is a lie from the enemy.  You know, if you believe a lie long enough, it becomes true for you, but it is not truth.  Truth trumps what is true. The enemy of our souls would like us to believe that God is distant and impersonal.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  I can testify that He is closer to me than any person on this earth.  I think a lot of our problem is we can connect with Jesus, but not God.  We are blind to the truth that Jesus is God in the flesh.  If you can see Jesus, You can see God!  If you can connect with Jesus, you are connected with God.  

I want to tell you something exciting.  He found you first!   If you have a desire to seek God, that came from God!  We can't even desire Him without the Holy Spirit putting that desire there.  You think you are the seeker, when, really, He is seeking you out.  Kind of upside down, huh?  

I have walked with the Lord for many years and, for the majority of those years, I felt disconnected from God.  I had a stronghold, keeping me from relating to Him as my Father.  I grew up with a Dad who was a stern disciplinarian and very strict.  I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him most of the time. I felt like I let him down a lot. Consequently, I related the same was with my Heavenly Father.  I spent most of my Christian walk trying to win God's approval.  Even when I did everything right, I still felt something missing.  I was constantly seeking for something to make me closer to God.  I would go from Bible Study to Bible Study, thinking I could find the missing piece.  Finally, I wore myself out, to the point of suffering anxiety and stress.  One night a dear friend prayed over me.  As she prayed, God opened her spiritual eyes to see the stronghold over my mind.  She saw a dark chasm in my mind.  She began to pray for me, tearing down strongholds.  As she prayed she saw the chasm begin to disappear.  While she was praying, I had a vision.  I saw myself as a little girl, standing on one side of a river.  I could see Jesus standing on the other side.  I wanted to get to Him.  A bridge started to form over the river (this was at the same time my friend was interceding and seeing my mind becoming healed).  The little girl, Cathi, ran across the bridge.  Jesus stooped down and scooped me up and started spinning me around, my legs flying in the air, laughing.  He put me down and stooped down again, his face close to mine, and said, "Cathi, don't you know that I am God?".  The vision was gone, and I was left sitting in the floor, crying like a little baby.  I cried for at least an hour straight as my Father's love washed over me. My friend sat with me, holding me, her tears, flowing also.  From that day, the stronghold and disconnect was broken.  I was able to relate to my Daddy, God.  

Before I go any further, I want to tell you that in no way am I blaming my earthly father.  He came from a very dysfunctional family and had to raise himself on the streets of Cabbagetown.  He did the best he could.  As he grew older, he softened.  But, he could never forgive himself for being so hard on us.  He asked our forgiveness and, of course, we had already forgiven him.  He never forgave himself.  I wish he could have been free from being so hard on himself.  He is free now, praise God!! 

I want to encourage you today, to continue your journey of drawing near.  Don't give up, because God is hiding in plain sight!  He is very near to you.  He is a kind Father, just waiting for his little one to come near enough for Him to reveal Himself.  Let Him stoop down to you, lift you up and spin you around.  Be free as your legs fly in the air.  Laugh with Him, cry with Him.  Let His love wash over you.  Be free today from feelings of disapproval.  Those He chooses, he approves!

Amazing Grace!!

Do you ever feel like a big disappointment to God?  Do you ever feel like you just can't measure up?  Do you ever feel like you have let God down?  I can answer "yes" to all of those questions.  For all of my Christian walk I have struggled with feeling of inadequacy as a child of God.  I cannot tell you exactly why I feel that way.  I think some of it is from growing up in a time of fire and brimstone preaching.  I am not saying the way I was raised was bad.  I praise God for a Godly upbringing!  I praise God for a solid foundation in the Word of God.  But, in that time I received a message in my mind that created a stronghold of religion. This stronghold says that I must do something to be accepted.  I must be as perfect as I can so that God will be pleased with me.  I have been delivered from much of this mindset but the lingering effects still exist.

Lately, everywhere I turn, God is speaking to me about grace.  It is as if He is standing in my face, saying, "Cathi, please listen to this.  I am not who you think I am.  I am not mad or disappointed in you".  I hear that voice speaking, yet something in me still struggles to believe.

Over the weekend I attended a Beth Moore conference and all she talked about was grace.  She made the point, we have in our minds that we have just enough grace to cover our sin.  In other words, If I sin "this much", I have "this much" grace.  But, she made the point, "where sin abounds, grace MUCH MORE abounds".  There is a lot more grace than our sin!  It covers my sin, and then some!

Before you worry that I am going to go off the deep end with the grace message and give myself an excuse to go on a sin rampage, don't trouble yourself.  I know what the Word says.  Grace is not a permission slip to sin.  It is the mercy we receive when we do sin, because we will.  I am going to mess up.  I am probably going to mess up big time occasionally, but I am learning that my standing with God does not change, based on how much I mess up.  His grace extends to every mess up.

Another point that Beth Moore made was that the word "disappoint" is not even in the Word of God.  And the word, "disappointment" is only found 4 or 5 times and it is never in the context of God being disappointed in His children.  I can truthfully say, I have felt that I was a disappointment to God, because I thought a certain way, or struggled in certain areas.  How freeing to find that He has never been disappointed in me.  He knew what He was getting and He still chose me.  I  know this is elementary teaching and all of this I already knew, but I didn't KNOW it.  It is becoming revelation to me and setting me free.  I have not arrived, believe me.

I told a friend the other day, if I hear a message on anything that is hard and brings condemnation, I am the first to jump on that bandwagon and feel that condemnation to the core.  I feel guilty even if it doesn't apply to me.  That, dear friends, is what you call a stronghold.  But, I am being set free from this!

I know I appear to be Super Saint, and I have been told I'm a rock.  The truth is, you don't see or hear the inward battle that goes on inside of me daily.  I am exposing that today so, hopefully, it can help someone who is going through the same thing.  Mine has been almost a lifelong battle.

How wonderful to know that God loves me, just as I am.  I am His and He is mine.  Oh, what love.  I cannot fathom that kind of love.

Please read what Beth Moore read on Saturday at the conference about grace below:

Grace is an inflated raft that can submerge to the floor of a sea to save you.

 Grace is the silver thread that stitches up the shreds of mangled souls.

 Grace is the eye that finds us where it refuses, there, to leave us.

 Grace calls the waitress to the table and sits her down to wash her feet.

 Grace sees underneath the manhole on a street of self-destruction.

 Grace is the air to draw a breath in the belly of a whale.

 Grace is the courage to stand in the shamed wake of a frightful falling.

 Grace is the only fire hot enough to burn down a living hell.

 Grace waits with healing in His wings when we’re too mad to pray.

 Grace is the gravity that pulls us from depravity.

 Grace races us to the Throne when we make haste to repent and always outruns us.

 Grace treats us like we already are what we fear we’ll never become.

 Grace is the doorpost dripping red when the angel of death grips the knob.

 Grace is the stamp that says Ransomed on a life that screams Ruined.

 Grace sets a table before me in the presence of my enemy even when my enemy is me.

 Grace is the cloak that covers the naked and the palm that drops the rock.

 Grace is divine power burgeoning in the absence of all strength.

 Grace proves God true and every self-made man a liar for the sake of his own soul.

 Grace is the power to do what we cannot do for the Name of Christ to go where it has not been.

Grace is a room of a thousand mirrors, all reflecting the face of Christ.

Grace is…

The eye popping

Knee dropping

Earth quaking

Pride breaking

Dark stabbing

Heart grabbing

Friend mending

Mind bending

Lame walking

Mute taking

Slave freeing

Devil fleeing

Death tolling

Stone rolling

Veil tearing

Glory flaring

Chin lifting

Sin sifting

Dirt bleaching

World reaching

Past covering

Spirit hovering

Child defending

Happy ending

Heaven glancing

Feet dancing…

Power of the Cross.

Jesus Christ, Grace Incarnate.

Copyright 2013 Beth Moore

Now, that will preach!!!

You Have Always Had The Power

I’m sure most everyone has seen the movie, “The Wizard of Oz”. At the end of the movie, Dorothy is crying because everyone received what they wanted except her. She only wanted to go home to Kansas. The “Good Witch, Glenda” tells her that she always had the power to go home. It was in the red shoes she had been wearing all along. At anytime during her adventure, she could have clicked her heels and been home. The problem was, Dorothy wasn’t aware of the power she had at her disposal. Isn’t this the state of most believers? We have this power at our disposal, but because we aren’t aware of it, we are stuck in situations, circumstances, attitudes, relationships that we desperately want out of. We, like Dorothy, cry out that we are helpless when God is saying, “You have always had the power!”. 

I remember one morning when as I was studying the Word, I asked the Lord to help me get the knowledge from my head to my heart. We’ve probably all used the expression, “head knowledge”. God spoke to me and told me that I was asking for something that I already had. He gave me the revelation that my heart (or spirit) already had it. It was my head (or mind) that needed convincing of the truth. When we study His word, our spirit receives what we put in it. The problem is that our minds haven’t been changed to agree with what our spirit already knows is true. That’s why Paul says in Romans that we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We are transformed from the inside out. So, how do we get it from our spirit to our minds? The scripture says, Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. I think we need to begin to say aloud what God’s Word says. We need to make declarations of the truth that is ours. When we hear it enough, we’ll begin to think that way. You need to convince your mind of the truth. Say things like, I am the righteousness of God, in Christ. I’m the head and not the tail. I’m above and not beneath. The blessings of God pursue and overtake me. I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms far above every principality and power, therefore the enemy is under my feet! I have the mind of Christ. Get my point? This really works. I have seen it work in my own life. I am starting to think differently. I have a different perspective. I don’t look at things the way I used to. 

So, here is your challenge for today. Take a promise in the Word of God. Meditate on it. Begin to speak it aloud, even if you don’t feel like it’s true. I promise, before long you will begin to really believe that it’s true. You already have it in your spirit. Now, convince your mind!

Who Do You Think You Are?

I am truly blessed. I am a child of God. I know who I am in Christ. I am rare. Most born again believers don’t know who they are in Christ. They don’t know what their true identity is, therefore they have found their identity in something other than Christ. Worse still, they have found their identity in their works in the church. I was one of those people. I was identified with my family, my church, my choir, my group of friends. I didn’t have a real understanding of who I really was. What happens when you are removed from those things that identified you and you identified with? I can tell you it is life changing. Thank God He planted me in a place where I was taught my true identity. Had I not been taught this truth, I would still be striving to find myself in what I do. 

I think the church has failed its’ people in this area. The average church focuses on the “do” rather than teaching the “who”. I have learned that identity always comes first. Activity always comes next. God created man on the sixth day of creation. Can you imagine the scene as God created man from the dust of the earth? He gets down on all fours, breathes the breath of life into Adam. Adam opens his eyes and the first person He sees is God leaning over him and God says, “You are man and I am your God”. Adam looks into God’s eyes and sees himself. Adam receives his identity from His creator. What did God do the next day? He rested. He didn’t get out his “to do” list for Adam. I imagine that the seventh day was spent with Adam getting to know His Father. As my Dad would say, “That’ll get you out of the mire and put you in the choir!” The Word says that one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day to God. That day of rest could have actually been a thousand years of God spending time with Adam and Adam finding out who he was. Hmmmm… Food for thought. 

I kind of like to think that God knows what He’s doing, don’t you? He gave man his identity and then told him what belonged to him and then told him to rule and reign over it. Don’t you think we should follow God’s example? When someone comes to know the Lord they should first be taught who they are. How can they know how to act or live if they don’t know who they are? When a person is born into a royal family they are told from birth who they are. For example, I’m sure Prince Charles, from birth, has been told that he is a Prince, and that he is royalty, that he comes from a royal lineage, and then was taught how a person of royalty behaves. In other words, this is who you are therefore, this is how you behave. In the same way, we need to teach new converts their new identity, who they are identified with and how to live. We are sometimes guilty of doing right the opposite. We teach what to do first and maybe they will learn something of who they are along the way. Is it any wonder so many get discouraged and fall by the wayside? No wonder so many Christians are being burned out in the churches. They are “doing” all these things out of their own strength and have never taught that His strength is now their strength. 

I have seen brand new Christians given jobs as Sunday School teachers. A new Christian needs to be trained up in the knowledge of who they are before they are given any job to do. Not only do new believers need to be taught who they are but the church as a whole needs this teaching. My mother has been teaching the Crucified Life for many years and has seen it change lives. My life has been changed by this teaching. I have seen it transform lives. 

I wish all of our churches were teaching this. If we want the church to be the church we must first learn who we are in Christ. It’s not how big our Sunday School is, or how many contacts we had this week. Is your church growing spiritually? Do they know who they are in Christ? Do they know their authority in Christ? Do they know the work of the cross? Do they know the power that is available through the gospel of Jesus Christ? Do they know they are a new creation in Christ? I pray that you will find a place to learn the truth about who you really are.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2Cor. 5:17 

(This is one of my earlier writings)

Get Rich Quick Gospel?

I am going do some stirring up with this blog, but it is one of those areas where many churches are way off balance.  I'm going to address the prosperity gospel.

I think the one key word I used was balance.  We can get out of balance in any area and make a doctrine out of scriptures that we pick and choose, without studying them in light of what the writer was saying and the culture he was addressing.  I can take any scripture out of context and go crazy with it.  Just because I use scripture doesn't mean what I am teaching is correct.

I have been in churches that teach that no Christian should be poor.  I have been taught that Jesus was rich because He supported a ministry and a ministry team.  I am not going to debate this, but the Bible does not teach that He was rich.  In fact, He left the riches of Heaven to come to earth so that He could represent all of us.  He didn't wear His crown while on earth.

I do know that Jesus taught about selling what you have and following Him.  I believe He was addressing holding our possessions in higher regard than Him.

I have heard the scripture taught, "Give and it shall be given unto, good measure, shaken together, and running over".  Do I believe this?  Yes.  I do believe that is we give, we do receive a blessing.  I don't believe it is always monetary.  I am blessed by giving food to a hungry person. I receive the satisfaction that I have done what God's Word says and I receive the blessing of seeing that person walk away, with a smile or even tears in their eyes of gratitude. And, I am blessed monetarily when I give, but that is not to make me rich. That is so I can give more!

I have a hard time preaching the prosperity message to people I encounter who struggle each day for everything they have.  Many of them don't have enough food to feed their families.  They live in poverty and don't have cars or any type of electronic gadgets.  Many don't have electricity.  Do I walk in their tiny, hot church and preach that it's God's will for them to be rich?  That would be a slap in their faces.  They are serving God, giving what they have, but because of where they live, they don't have the opportunity to have more.  They are not in sin, they were simply born in the wrong place for prosperity.

To these people the good news is not, "you can be rich", but that Jesus loves them right where they are.  He knows where they are and He loves them.  He wants to meet their needs and bless them.  A blessing would be to not have to worry about feeding their children.  Yes, I can preach this!  And more than preach, I can take food to them and show them God's love by being His hands and feet.

I was sickened the other morning when I turned on a station where a well known Preacher was asking all of the audience to "sow" thousands of dollars to his ministry.  I mean thousands!  He read testimonies of people who gave their last dime to him and suddenly their houses were paid off and student loans were cancelled.  I am sorry, but I don't believe that.  Do I think God could do that?  Of course!  Do I think God would do that for "sowing" into a ministry is based on "give to me" and God will give to you?  Give me a break!

 Instead of sending your money to this ministry, sow it where you know people will be helped.  Proverbs 19:17 says "when you help the poor you are lending to the Lord - and He pays wonderful interest on your loan".

My point is, our giving should not be based on what we are going to receive in return.  Our giving should be based on obedience to God and what we can do for His children.  Jesus said, "When you do it unto the least of these, my brothers, you do it unto me".  When we give, we are giving to Jesus.

To sum it up.  No, I don't believe Christians should be poor, but I believe some are, and that doesn't mean they are not blessed.  Blessings are not about money.  I am blessed to live in the United States, to have a Godly husband and healthy children who serve the Lord.  I am blessed to able to serve God as a missionary.  Do I have a lot of money?  Not in the eyes of the world.  Am I rich?  You bet I am!

Missions will spoil you for the things of the world.  I encounter people with nothing who love God and praise Him with all of their hearts.  They are poor by the worlds standards, but I believe Jesus looks at them as having far more riches than the richest person in the world.  Their riches are stored up for them.

If you have thousands of dollars to "sow", make sure your investment is solid and not a "bless me" scheme.  Research ministries who are truly nonprofit, who help others.  Your return will be eternal!!